Tag Archives: Rant

I Need to Feel the Burn!!

I miss working out. Dear God, how I miss it!

crying dramatic zooey dash.

First off, let me say: I know it’s no one else’s fault that I haven’t worked out much the past few years. It’s entirely my doing, so don’t think this is one of those “oh poor me” posts. It’s not.

This is a “oh dear God, I can’t take it any more!!” post.

It’s me, saying I can’t stay like this any more. I can’t pretend I am ok with my body. I’ve learned the lesson needed from it – I’m comfortable in my skin, just the way it is.

That’s just it though – I’m comfortable. Not happy.

I’m not happy.

giphy (29)

I’m the only one who’s stopped myself from working out, and I’m the only one who can start again. I know this, full and well. That’s part of what this is for me, right now. Getting it out, writing it down, seeing it physically out there. Me, saying enough is enough. Dear God, woman, pull your shit together!!!

2d88d-nervous2bfrustrated2bkesha

See, in High School, I was known as a “workout nazi” among my friends and peers. I did cross country, weight training, soccer, basket ball, and helped train the wrestling team and football team. I was a trainer, I was a fitness expert, and I was a health nut guru. I still am, at heart. I have the knowledge, I have the experience, I just don’t have the ability.

Or at least, I haven’t.

I suffer from several chronic medical conditions. Part of what drove me to become such a workout nut, was the fact I was in pain, nearly 24/7. I wasn’t in a situation where I could deal with it medically, so I simply had to push through it. I’m a bit of a pit bull/bulldog of a woman, and I don’t just sit and pout when I’m in pain. I kick ass.

strong back

Having to finally deal with my medical issues though, meant I had to stop. I had to sit still, before I killed myself from neglecting the things that were killing me. Had I not stopped and dealt with the pain instead of pushing through it, I’d be worm food right now.

I’m glad I took a break. I’m glad I listened to my amazing hubby, and got myself figured out. I’m glad that my life isn’t at risk the same way any more.

s. gomez teary eyed thank you

Having a hysterectomy in my early 20s though, was traumatic. It took nearly two years for me to recover physically from my medical stuff. It was bad enough to where just going grocery shopping took all my strength, and nearly put me in tears from the pain. If you know me, you know I don’t cry easily – bulldog, remember?

giphy (22)

Mentally and emotionally, it took me another several years to pull myself out of the hole I fell into. Having to stop working out wrecked me inside, and along with some family drama shit that never should have happened, I feel into a depression for several years. I’m just now coming out of it, with the help of God and my true family, but it’s not easy. And it’s impossible to do, if I’m not able to be physically active the way I used to be.

giphy (55)

Luckily, I’ve finally gotten to the point physically to where I can do the day-to-day stuff I have to, without hurting anything, or putting my fist through a wall from pain. I’ve started lightly working out, which already makes me feel like a wuss, and it does hurt.

But you know what, I can’t take it any more. I can’t sit around and wait for my body to heal. I am a slow healer either way, mainly due to some of those medical issues, and realistically, it will always hurt.

I don’t care. I’m ready to kick ass again. I need to. I have to. Otherwise, I’m going to lose my mind. I feel like my life has been put on hold, waiting for myself to heal.

monsters 2 impatient in line

I’m healed enough – I’m ready to feel the burn again. I miss it so badly, it puts me in tears. I’d rather cry from pain while actually doing something, than cry from the desire and wish that I could be doing something.

I have plenty of reasons to not. Doctors would tell me to wait. I’m a stubborn pit bull though, and I don’t care.

I want my body back. I want my six-pack abs back. I want my toned, hard body back, and the confidence that went with it. I miss myself, and my body can learn to deal with it.

confident rebellion anna kendrick

It won’t kill me, it will most likely just put me on my back a few times, before I toughen back up a bit. I’ve gotten soft, and I hate it.

If you’re still reading this, well, thank you. I appreciate the fact you care enough to read it. To be honest though, this isn’t for you – it’s for me. For me to realize I am there. I’m ready to get up and kick some ass again – mainly my own.

deal with it audrey hepburn

 

This time next year, I will not look like this. I will not feel like this. I will be back to myself again.

I’m ready – let’s feel the burn.

 

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Hidden History – Irish Slaves

Random rant, but this is something I’m seeing bashed and bad-mouthed a lot more lately, and people are ticking me off with it. Irish Slaves.

Seriously, how does no one remember or talk about this? Like, ever??? Do people read?

This article has a ton of fantastic info – well worth the few minutes it would take to educate yourself a little more.

“The Irish slave trade began when James VI sold 30,000 Irish prisoners as slaves to the New World. His Proclamation of 1625 required Irish political prisoners be sent overseas and sold to English settlers in the West Indies.

By the mid 1600s, the Irish were the main slaves sold to Antigua and Montserrat. At that time, 70% of the total population of Montserrat were Irish slaves.

Ireland quickly became the biggest source of human livestock for English merchants. The majority of the early slaves to the New World were actually white.

During the 1650s, over 100,000 Irish children between the ages of 10 and 14 were taken from their parents and sold as slaves in the West Indies, Virginia and New England. In this decade, 52,000 Irish (mostly women and children) were sold to Barbados and Virginia.

Another 30,000 Irish men and women were also transported and sold to the highest bidder. In 1656, Cromwell ordered that 2000 Irish children be taken to Jamaica and sold as slaves to English settlers.

Many people today will avoid calling the Irish slaves what they truly were: Slaves. They’ll come up with terms like “Indentured Servants” to describe what occurred to the Irish. However, in most cases from the 17th and 18th centuries, Irish slaves were nothing more than human cattle.

As an example, the African slave trade was just beginning during this same period. It is well recorded that African slaves, not tainted with the stain of the hated Catholic theology and more expensive to purchase, were often treated far better than their Irish counterparts.

African slaves were very expensive during the late 1600s (£50 Sterling). Irish slaves came cheap (no more than £5 Sterling). If a planter whipped, branded or beat an Irish slave to death, it was never a crime.”

This is my argument when people start their slavery rants. African Americans were one of the kinds of slaves, yes, but not the only ones, and not the worst treated. Think about that – Irish slaves were treated worse than African American slaves.

Do we have our own month? No. College funds? No. Do people give a hoot if an Irish-man is elected president? Nope.

Kind of silly, this country cares so much about one set of people because they are loud and angry, but ignore another because they have accepted it and moved on, looking toward the future instead of the past. #lifelessons #notfair #hiddenhistory

I only shared a few passages – if this interests you, please, go read some more, and do your homework.

https://peoplestrusttoronto.wordpress.com/2014/12/27/irish-the-forgotten-white-slaves/

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