Tag Archives: Menopause

Low Dayz

I hate days like today. The low days. Days where depression seems far stronger than I am, and drags me down like an anchor, strapped to my ankles.

I feel helpless, hopeless, pathetic, sad, angry, scared, frustrated, and overall, simply emotional. Exhausted. Overwhelmed.

I feel the pressure of all the things I need to do, weighing down my shoulders, pushing me into a slump, increasing the negativity of my current self. I know I’ll regret not working on the things I need to get done, but when I try to push those overloaded shoulders up and get to work, I find I lack the energy.

I didn’t a few hours ago. Why now? What’s changed?

My depression got a boost from my new hormone pills, and together, they’ve knocked me on my back.

I stare up at the ceiling, wondering how it came to this. I was happy; laughing; the smile on my face came so easily. I was jazzed, ready to take on the world, had a plan.

That stupid little pill, the one fixing my screwed up body, had to be taken at noon. I steeled my mind to stay positive, to keep up the same attitude and energy even after the pill’s contents had entered my blood stream.

I failed. Again. The pill is too difficult to fight when I haven’t slept well. I can’t be tired and strong – it’s too much to fight on my own.

So I fall. Just keeping my mind from sinking into darkness is a chore, and now I have to settle for a new goal for the day: breathing.

I’ll turn to God. Pray for a while, set my mind on things that will make me at least want to smile. I’ll push through, and later welcome sleep. I’ll wake in the morning, once again jazzed and ready to get everything done. I’ll take my pills at noon, and be back where I am now.

Oh, how I pray for the day my body is straightened out, where I don’t feel like this any more. Then I can be over these pills. Done with the roller coasters. Past the madness.

Until that day, I’ll simply breath.

 

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Gunky Days

Hey guys, how are you?  Hopefully good.

Me, I’m doing…so so.  My hormone therapy is difficult at the moment.  I have good spells, and I have bad spells.  Good days, and bad ones.

Then there are the days like today, where it’s stuck somewhere in the gunk between good and bad.  I wish it could be good, and fear it slipping into bad.  Blech.

Writing this though, I realize I haven’t even explained why I am going through hormone therapy hell.  It’s probably something I need to talk about, since it’s now causing butterflies in my stomach, thinking about it.  I’m afraid of it, and since my goal in life is to face any fear I find, I think I’m going to start a set of posts about why I keep talking about hormones.

Putting myself out there is hard, but I’m seeing more and more women doing it recently, especially with what I’m dealing with.  Their courage is giving me more courage.  At the same time, I wish I had a while ago, so I could give other women courage as well.

Better late than never =)

For today though, it’s a foggy, yucky, aching day, that isn’t quite bad, but not quite good either.  Maybe some chocolate will make it a little better.  Or a goofy cat video 😉

 

Hormone Therapy Sucks

Perimenopause and Menopause in your 20s sucks.

Body changes that happen during menopause/perimenopause suck.

Only truly relating to mostly women over half my age sucks.

Searching for remedies recommended for those women sucks.

Surpassing my mother in body issues sucks.

Feeling old in my body sucks.

Not being able to change it sucks.

My skin and hair issues suck.

My body flucuations sucks.

Hot flashes suck.

The weight roller-coaster sucks.

The hormone roller-coaster sucks.

Hormone pills every day sucks.

No one understanding, expecting, or knowing what to say sucks.

Knowing I’ll be living with this for the rest of my life sucks.

Being scared of what I will feel like when I’m 50 sucks.

Hating my body sucks.

The pain sucks.

Everything else I’m dealing with besides the premature perimenopause/menopause (the issues that caused it) sucks.

But mainly, it’s not having a choice about it, that really sucks.

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