Monthly Archives: October 2015

Why = Death of Creativity

Why?  Such a simple question.  Three little words, seemingly harmless.

In reality, that little word has the potential to unravel a person completely.  Why?

A killer, masquerading as innocent curiosity.

People are naturally creative.  We are also naturally curious.  The irony is, curiosity can kill creativity.

When you ask “Why?” the search for the answer switches you into a new mindset.  Out of creativity and imagination, you switch to logic.  Even when you’re being creative, and asking “Why” with imagination, you’re automatically introducing logic into the idea/situation/area.

Answering “Why” means you need to know the path.  You’re searching for the way something happened, the way it works.  It adds in “How” almost automatically.  The two work simultaneously most of the time, overpowering anything floating in the creative realms.  They pull an idea from the clouds, anchoring it firmly to reality, caging the once free bird.

In our life, when something happens, we almost always react with “why” or “how” adding in the other easily.  We are taught to look at the “who” “what” “when” “where” and “why” in school, and most still apply it to life.

The problem with this is, logic kills.  When things make sense all the time, there is no room for spontaneity or creativity.  Life is creativity.  It is organized chaos.  When you have too much logic, life becomes simply order.  Dull.  Lifeless.  Stressful.  Dying.  Suffocating.

When you apply that to God, you see the clear reason many people fall, fail, and walk away.  They ask “why” far too often.  We search for knowledge now, no matter what.  We look for answers, for the reasons, for the logic.  We kill ourselves searching for “truth” when the only truth that means anything, is the fact the “why” rarely ever matters.  What is, is.  God.  He is, always has been, and always will be.  He knows the why, so why isn’t that good enough?

Why can’t I simply enjoy something He’s given me?  Why must I search for answers constantly?  Why must I pick it apart, suffocating it with the obsessive need for knowledge and desire for the answer to “why” in my own head.

Cuz that’s really it – my head needs to know why, even when my heart already knows it is.  It just is.  That’s it.

I appease my own head, by suffocating my heart; drowning it in logic and a growling need for knowledge and answers.

When I stop asking “why” my spirit soars.  My mind is able to be creative once again, released from the cage of logic.  I can fly.

Why has it’s place.  On the shelf, where it needs to stay.  Only used when absolutely necessary.  A dangerous tool, best left alone.  A necessary evil.

God is creative.  His logic is the only one that matters, and I don’t need to understand it, simply trust it.  I follow Him as a child follows his father.  He is my father, and I shouldn’t question Him so much, simply trust Him.

I knew this once.  I simply did what my heart told me, without constantly asking why.  If someone else asked me why, I’d simply shrug, and say “because I felt like I should” or something equally simple.  Life was simple.  Happy.  An endless expanse of creativity and joy.  I simply lived my life, grateful to have it, enjoying every second I spent marveling at God and His creation.  Because really, He is a creator.  Creative.

Seeking “knowledge” is folly, because I’ll never truly understand God.  He is unfathomable.  His knowledge is what actually matters, and my “logic” and “understanding” is as silly as holding a candle to the sun.  It may make me feel a little better in the moment, but it’s fleeting, small, and in the grand scheme of things, meaningless.  He is constant, unmovable, and magnificent.  Why bother working His creation out in my head?  He created us to enjoy life, not pick it apart and kill it with “why” and logic.

I don’t need to know the why.  Just what is.  Him.  That’s all that matters.

I’m putting a smile on my face, my questions in the trash, shelving the “why” and following my malnourished heart.  It’s time I take my life back from the greedy seed of Why.

Ready to move on, enjoy Him, and simply live.

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So, I’m sick…again…

Whoopee!  I’m sick.  Again.

Ugh.

whoopee little rascals

I’ve been getting sick more often the past several years, and it suck.  It’s not just sniffles either, no.  It’s the full blown can’t get out of bed, legs don’t want to work, I feel like I’m going to die (overly dramatic, but still) kinda sick.  Once my hormones and body settle down a bit, I’m sure that will subside a bit.  I hope.

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What sucks the most though, is the fact that my sleep deprived brain seems to take the opportunity to be depressive and cynical.  I start getting insecure about things I don’t normally worry about.  Little things become nail-biting issues.  My worry-wart-ness goes into over drive, and I start feeling like the whole world is falling apart.  At least, my world.

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Does anyone else feel like that when they get sick?  Is that normal?  I don’t know.  Maybe not.

emperor's new groove kronk eezma shrug

All I know is, that is the worst part of getting sick.  The internal emotional/mental wars that start out of no where, and make me question everything.  The little hissing voices I can normally tune out, become louder and more insistent, tearing me up inside.  I can’t seem to decide anything, and the decisions and life choice I’ve made all start to bubble up and look warped.

freaked out minions despicable me

I suppose, on a deeper level, that probably stems from the fact I’m very insecure about my life.  About myself.  I’m a timid and nervous person already, and being sick causes my mind to magnify those issues even more.

Ugh.  Maybe the real question should be, how to people live, without questioning everything all the time?  Without being nervous and worried and conflicted?  Not conflicted, I guess.  Just insecure.  How do some people seem to be so easily, comfortably secure in their life, and not worry about things like life choices or where they’re headed?  It’s astonishing to me, and I’m envious of that ability.  I need to figure out how to be like that, before I drive myself mad.

nervous gum chewing that's so raven symone

At the moment, in my sleep deprived mind, drenched in germs and a heightened sense of insecurity and self doubt, my whole life just seems warped and twisted.  Skewed and odd, and I truly wonder what God is doing with my life.  I hope He knows what He’s doing.  I mean, I’m sure He does, of course.  I guess really, I hope I’m hearing Him correctly.  And if I’m not, I hope He knows I am trying.

sad bunny b&w

Ugh.  I need a hug.  And chocolate.  And sleep.

Dancing Envy

So, I’m sick again, right?  Yeah.  Both my guys are working tonight, and I’m in bed.  Stuck between “too awake to sleep” and “feeling too crappy to walk” and/or “brain is mush, can’t think enough to work” keeping me in a state of blah.  The computer and I have spent a bit of time together today, wasting away the hours.

As I scroll through Facebook, bored and hoping for something to cheer my germ-filled body up, I come across this video:

Now, my first impression is to be impressed, obviously – wow!  They rock!  I’m overwhelmed by the smiles on their faces, and how much fun they’re having dancing together.

I start to think about how nice it would be to dance again; how much I miss it.  I remember how much energy I used to have, and how easy it was for me to do things like that.  To dance.  Move quickly and enthusiastically, using tons of energy and spreading joy.

I wonder if I’ll ever get there again.  I think about the soft layer of skin now resting over my relaxed, sick muscles.  Even when I’m healthy, I’m no where near the shape I used to be in.  I give in for a moment, to the self-loathing part of me, silently cursing my body and the things I dislike about it.

Then I merge into longing – the deep seeded desire to be able to use my body like that again.  To be fit; healthy; feeling good.

I think “Maybe it’s just that times have changed.”  Bah!  Times haven’t changed.  I’ve changed.  Or rather, my abilities have changed.

I hope I’ll get my body back soon.  I hope I’ll be able to move like that some day – smile like that some day.

I hope I’m not a coward.  Plenty of people have it worse than me, and somehow find the strength to do all sorts of great things.  Why can’t I?  What’s my excuse?  Why does my pain stop me, when my desire is so strong, and so deep, it brings me to tears.

My healing requires patience.  I’ve never been very good at patience.  We’ve had a very tense relationship over the years.  I’m looking forward to the day when I’m back in control, and not forced to submit to patience and waiting.

Til then, I’ll watch videos of people doing extraordinary things, pulled between awe and envy.

Taking Crosses Out of Church?!

Soooo, yeah.  Browsing around Facebook today, I came across this article.

Fair warning, I am a bit pissed.  Fuming, really.  And at the same time, heartbroken.

Long story short: Eva Brunne, a Lesbian Bishop (don’t even get me started on that…) from Sweden, has announced her desire to remove crosses from the Church, in order to make refugee Muslims more comfortable.  She believes it will make it “more inviting” to them.

Yeah, cuz it won’t be a Church any more!

She reportedly wrote, “Leasing a room to people of other faiths, does not mean that we are not defenders of our own faith. Priests are called to proclaim Christ. We do that every day and in every meeting with people. But that does not mean that we are hostile toward people of other faiths.”

Soooo, now crosses are hostile?  Since when?  Are head scarfs hostile?  NO!  Is the Star of David hostile?  NO!  Since when are crosses IN THE CHURCH hostile?  Are you kidding me??

The Church is supposed to be a safe gathering place for those who follow God.  Period.  It’s not just a “religious building” in general – it is our safe place.  God’s house.  Not the world’s house.  No other religion does this sort of thing, especially not for Christians.  Since when do we hide our faith in order to make other faiths more comfortable?  Acceptance, not hiding.  We are called to love.  That means we honor and respect other religions – why do we not expect the same treatment in return?

If I go to a Buddhist temple, I’m not going to ask them to remove their statues or anything to do with their religion, just to make myself more comfortable. I may not be Buddhist, but I damn well will respect those who are, and THEIR place of worship. Christians and Catholics should expect and be given the same respect for anyone visiting OUR houses of worship. Muslims, Buddhists, Pagans, people who worship salt, I don’t care – anyone visiting a Church should have the respect to honor our faith as well.

In the military, the chapel does the sort of thing she’s suggesting – it’s simply the religious building where everyone is welcome, and there are many types of services performed. Christian, Catholic, Baptist, Muslim, Jewish, Wiccan…and Satanic. That’s where this type of thinking leads. Satan is invited and welcomed into God’s house. It’s no longer God’s house, because darkness cannot be in the same place He is. If we invite it in, we essentially remove God willingly. That’s not ok.

Holy ground needs to stay just that – holy. If we take God out of it to appease people who don’t believe or follow Him, and just make it a neutral building, then it’s no longer a Church.

Once we compromise our faith for others, and hide what makes us who we are, then others won’t hesitate to trample us.  Muslims believe the same way – ask a Muslim woman to remove her head scarf, and you’ll hear the same arguments.  Why should we be any less passionate about our religion?  Why do we not fight for our faith with that much tenacity and ferocity?  Why are we ok with casting our faith aside, in order to make others more comfortable in theirs, when they don’t give us that courtesy, and we wouldn’t ask it of them?

There does need to be segregation of religion, because they are all just too different. We all need to give and expect others to honor and respect our faith. They don’t have to agree, convert or condone it, but they should respect it, just as they would want respect for their faith and beliefs.

They are welcome to visit, but just as any visitor to someone else’s house, they are just that – visitors. Guests. They should respect that. It isn’t their house, they aren’t moving in, they aren’t taking over. They are visiting.

I don’t take down my Christian art or scriptures when someone of another faith visits my house; I don’t put my Bible away; I don’t hide my religion. If they aren’t comfortable with my God, then they are welcome to leave. I do not remove my signs of faith, my God, or my pride in Him for anyone.  He is more important, and the moment anyone else becomes more important than Him, and my relationship with Him, I am no longer a faithful woman to my God.

The Church should be no different, and if anything, even stronger in that mindset.  I belong to God, and our Church belongs to God. It shouldn’t be stripped of that to appease others, any more than His children should have to hide their pride for their faith.

We aren’t asking Jews to remove their Star of David, or Muslim women to remove their head scarfs if they come into a Church; we shouldn’t take down our crosses. It’s just that simple. Mutual respect.  Mutual love.  We welcome them in love, but they need to come in love as well.  And that means, no one needs to hide or remove their symbols of what they believe.  Ever.

It breaks my heart, that a Bishop would ask for such a thing.  Especially guilt tripping people, by citing the fact we proclaim Christ in our every day life, in every encounter.  That’s true.  Does that mean that’s enough, and we don’t need a safe place to gather with our brothers and sisters in Christ?  No.

People like her, are why the Church is failing.  God is being removed from the Church, favoring people and the world instead.  That is why the end times will come; that is why the world will end.  God is slowly being removed from His own house, in order to accommodate those who see us as infidels, and would not hesitate to see us dead for our Faith.  Ironically, proposed by a woman who would be executed for being a lesbian in some Islamic countries.

Just, wow.  I need to pray.  And cry.

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