Random Thoughts on Life & Growing Up

So, recently I have been talking to a few of my friends.  We’re all coming up on that age where a lot of people are having stuff start to happen in their lives.  One is getting promoted, another is graduating, another is pregnant, and another is moving to a new city.

I’m so happy for all their success, but part of me can’t help but feel…inadequate.  I kind of end up feeling like Rachel in Friends, when her old friends come to visit and they’re all like “I’m getting partner at my dad’s firm!” and “I lost a sh*t ton of weight and look fabulous!” and “I’m having another baby and my husband is loaded!”  All while Rachel is like “I serve coffee, and live in the city…whoot?”

Kind of a buzz-kill.

That’s how I felt the past few days.  Again, don’t get me wrong – I couldn’t be happier for my friends.  They’ve worked hard, and they deserve their prizes and good things, for sure.

What do I do with that feeling though?  I just feel like yay for you, and guess what!?  I…I…I’m getting a new phone.

Yay me…

Normally, this feeling would prompt me to re-evaluate my choices.  My life.  Where it’s headed.  Change some stuff up so my luck improves and I keep moving forward.

Here’s the issue with that though – I’ve given my life to God, and He’s said “stay still and wait.”

Ken and I feel like big things are coming, but we have to wait.  And wait.  And once we’re done waiting, we’ll have to wait some more.  We’re feeling like our life is passing us by, but we are trying to be positive, and not think negatively.  Sometimes though, we feel like:

We’ve both been late bloomers in life, and apparently that’s not over.  I think we’re in the “we’re waiting some more” phase, so hopefully it’ll be soon, where God lets us go to town.

See, at the moment, we are in training.  We joke that it’s God’s boot camp or Basic.  We’re honing skills, going through a ton of tests, trials, and challenges.  By waiting and trusting Him, we’re strengthening our relationship with Him.  I know in the future, we’ll be so glad we went through all this, and stuck it out.  We’re living a life that’s unconventional, and getting more odd all the time.

We have the urge to control it ourselves – to make it happen in our time, instead of waiting for God’s plan to lay itself out and happen when it’s supposed to.  That’s what a lot of people do – take the wheel from God, and control it themselves.

Well, we’ve aspired to not do that, and this is part of that difficulty.  Waiting.  Waiting while others succeed faster.  He’s building our patience, and waiting for us to build our Faith a bit more, and strengthen it as much as possible.

It totally feels like those dogs who have the treat on their nose, and have to wait.  And wait.  And drool, while waiting some more.  It’ll be worth it, and I know He’ll be proud of our Faith and commitment to honoring and obeying Him.

But it’s hard.

And I want the cookie.

I’m tired, and I want…something.

But I’ll keep waiting.  I’ll keep having Faith.  I’ll keep trusting.  And I’ll be happy that I’m following God, and He’s leading us down such a unique path.  It’ll be worth it in the end, I know.  He’s said so! 🙂

Grandmother Willow is always right.  And hey, if that damn dog can do it, then so can I! 😀

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