Monthly Archives: August 2015

Random Truth Tuesday

Hiya!  How are you?  Doing well, I hope 🙂

I’m starting something (that may already be out there, I don’t know.  If it is, awesome.  It’s a new idea to me, so I don’t care) called Random Truth Tuesday.  Basically, since Thursday is already taken for #TBT, Tuesday seems like a good day for truths.

I doubt I’ll post every single Tuesday, but I’ll certainly try.

So!  First Truth:

I have dreamt of being a published author since I was two, but am terrified of actually accomplishing that dream.  Now that I’m closer than I ever have before, I’m having to overcome personal hurdles of fear and anxiety, which constantly try to cripple my creativity, and ability to write well.  I now hold tightly to the day when I publish my first book, laugh in the face of my fear, and continue to scribble away at silly stories.

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Hormone Therapy Sucks

Perimenopause and Menopause in your 20s sucks.

Body changes that happen during menopause/perimenopause suck.

Only truly relating to mostly women over half my age sucks.

Searching for remedies recommended for those women sucks.

Surpassing my mother in body issues sucks.

Feeling old in my body sucks.

Not being able to change it sucks.

My skin and hair issues suck.

My body flucuations sucks.

Hot flashes suck.

The weight roller-coaster sucks.

The hormone roller-coaster sucks.

Hormone pills every day sucks.

No one understanding, expecting, or knowing what to say sucks.

Knowing I’ll be living with this for the rest of my life sucks.

Being scared of what I will feel like when I’m 50 sucks.

Hating my body sucks.

The pain sucks.

Everything else I’m dealing with besides the premature perimenopause/menopause (the issues that caused it) sucks.

But mainly, it’s not having a choice about it, that really sucks.

Random Thoughts on Life & Growing Up

So, recently I have been talking to a few of my friends.  We’re all coming up on that age where a lot of people are having stuff start to happen in their lives.  One is getting promoted, another is graduating, another is pregnant, and another is moving to a new city.

I’m so happy for all their success, but part of me can’t help but feel…inadequate.  I kind of end up feeling like Rachel in Friends, when her old friends come to visit and they’re all like “I’m getting partner at my dad’s firm!” and “I lost a sh*t ton of weight and look fabulous!” and “I’m having another baby and my husband is loaded!”  All while Rachel is like “I serve coffee, and live in the city…whoot?”

Kind of a buzz-kill.

That’s how I felt the past few days.  Again, don’t get me wrong – I couldn’t be happier for my friends.  They’ve worked hard, and they deserve their prizes and good things, for sure.

What do I do with that feeling though?  I just feel like yay for you, and guess what!?  I…I…I’m getting a new phone.

Yay me…

Normally, this feeling would prompt me to re-evaluate my choices.  My life.  Where it’s headed.  Change some stuff up so my luck improves and I keep moving forward.

Here’s the issue with that though – I’ve given my life to God, and He’s said “stay still and wait.”

Ken and I feel like big things are coming, but we have to wait.  And wait.  And once we’re done waiting, we’ll have to wait some more.  We’re feeling like our life is passing us by, but we are trying to be positive, and not think negatively.  Sometimes though, we feel like:

We’ve both been late bloomers in life, and apparently that’s not over.  I think we’re in the “we’re waiting some more” phase, so hopefully it’ll be soon, where God lets us go to town.

See, at the moment, we are in training.  We joke that it’s God’s boot camp or Basic.  We’re honing skills, going through a ton of tests, trials, and challenges.  By waiting and trusting Him, we’re strengthening our relationship with Him.  I know in the future, we’ll be so glad we went through all this, and stuck it out.  We’re living a life that’s unconventional, and getting more odd all the time.

We have the urge to control it ourselves – to make it happen in our time, instead of waiting for God’s plan to lay itself out and happen when it’s supposed to.  That’s what a lot of people do – take the wheel from God, and control it themselves.

Well, we’ve aspired to not do that, and this is part of that difficulty.  Waiting.  Waiting while others succeed faster.  He’s building our patience, and waiting for us to build our Faith a bit more, and strengthen it as much as possible.

It totally feels like those dogs who have the treat on their nose, and have to wait.  And wait.  And drool, while waiting some more.  It’ll be worth it, and I know He’ll be proud of our Faith and commitment to honoring and obeying Him.

But it’s hard.

And I want the cookie.

I’m tired, and I want…something.

But I’ll keep waiting.  I’ll keep having Faith.  I’ll keep trusting.  And I’ll be happy that I’m following God, and He’s leading us down such a unique path.  It’ll be worth it in the end, I know.  He’s said so! 🙂

Grandmother Willow is always right.  And hey, if that damn dog can do it, then so can I! 😀

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